I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
