Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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