shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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