i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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