you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
