May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
