I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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