Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
