for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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