you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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