so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
