It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
