No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
