don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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