what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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