Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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