dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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