i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
