my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
