Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I skipped work to stalk him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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