You made me cry and you don't even care
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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