Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
