I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
