Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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