I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
