Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
