Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize