So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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