So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize