we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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