O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
