P.S. I can't hear my feet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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