dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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