My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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