Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
