I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was like eating out sand paper
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
