This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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