hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
