Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize