the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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