You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
