When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
