Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
