DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
