I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize