I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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