I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
