hotel room ftw
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's shark week go big or go home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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