I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
