then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
