He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
