I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
