I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
