this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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