so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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