Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
