"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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