She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
