i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize