in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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