her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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