I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
