he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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