I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
