I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need to align my fucking chakras
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
