Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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