What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
