Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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